The Human Condition

Sibling Rivalry: Attack of the Banshee Sibling

As you walk through the front door of your house after a long day of university, public transport and a three-hour graveyard shift at work, all while the skies decide to open up and put a damper on an already exhausting day. You think you’ve had enough and are ready to put your feet up and get stuck into yet another daunting assignment when – BANG! The door of your bedroom slams open and a shrill screaming adolescent sounding uncannily like a Banshee attacks. You pinch yourself to make sure that this is not a dream, well, nightmare. Nope! Reality smacks you in the face and has taken the form of your younger sibling.

At first, you stare wide-eyed and genuinely shocked at the situation, which has exploded before you. You ask yourself, ‘Is she for real?’ and try desperately to make out what she is so upset about through her yelling and cussing.  ‘Did someone die?’… -BANG! A shoe is thrown violently across the room and smacks into the wall. Note to self: Sarcasm is not the best defusing tool, especially in situations like this! This will only further anger the Banshee sibling and cause many more objects to be thrown your way. Instead, wait calmly whilst seeming as though you are paying attention to the ranting and raving adolescent sibling you lovingly call, Psycho.

After what seems like close to an eternity ducking away from flying shoes and other easily accessible objects that have suddenly transformed into weapons, your adolescent sister begins to sense your seemingly calm nature and instead of calming herself, she becomes even more infuriated and takes to the more tasteful approach of clearly pronouncing that you are ‘the worst sister… EVER!’ and the fond repetitive use of other colorful adjectives such as ‘C*#t’ and ‘B#@ch’. You immediately begin to feel the sudden heat of frustration, anger and hurt rising within you and begin to become defensive towards your once adorably cute little sibling. At this point you think to yourself ‘how much more of this can one person take?’ before throwing in your towel of rational thinking and composure and finally snapping!

Does this situation seem familiar to you?

After all is said and done, you sit alone panting and trying to calm your nerves, and think to yourself, “what just happened?” (You see there is a lot of reflecting and thinking to yourself during this process). Feelings of remorse and regret are entwined with animosity and hurt for yourself and your sibling and is a very common occurrence which lives with every family situation between all siblings at one point or another. The reason why this arguing typically known as Sibling Rivalry arises is due to competitiveness for parental attention, love, and approval according to the Encyclopedia of Children’s Health. More often than not, an older sibling will suffer from jealousy and distress over the birth of their younger sibling and will ‘chuck a tantrum’ or revert to younger behaviors in an attempt to gain parental attention.

Child Psychologist, Dr. O’Connor (Author of ‘I Can Be Me’) states that sibling rivalry at a young age may also set the stage for rivalry in adults. She recommends that parents be mindful and try to avoid the following ‘Ten Most Common Mistakes’ made my parents:

• ·      Ignoring extreme sibling rivalry and dismissing it as normal.
• ·      Failing to teach children how to solve problems and conflicts with their siblings.
• ·      Failing to model appropriate conflict resolutions skills.
• ·      Consistently favoring one child over another.
• ·      Expecting too much of an older child, compared to a younger sibling.
• ·      Blaming an older child for sibling fighting because he/she is older and should know better.
• ·      Unnecessary pampering and cuddling a younger child and/or doing this far more than you would your eldest child.
• ·      Failing to maintain a consistently caring, supportive and attentive relationship with your older children following the birth of a new baby.
• ·      Failure to teach your children how to solve problems, manage anger and how to deal with their feelings.
• ·      Consistently blaming one child for sibling problems without ensuring weather this is warranted.

This challenging and daunting life experience is all too well known in many families and you are most likely nodding your head to more than several of the above points recognizing and reminiscing about a time in your life when you have felt jealousy, anger or hurt towards a sibling or parent. Recently, I confronted my mother with the points above and to her astonishment she admitted to having made several of the mistakes and felt resentment towards her parents for having made the very same mistakes which greatly contributed to sibling rivalry between her siblings (which continues to this day). Many families have traditions and their own views on the correct way of raising children, which can be embedded in cultures and societies and are shared amongst each other. I was brought up the very same way as my mother, the eldest sibling of four and am still looked upon as the primary household cleaner, cook, provider and the age old excuse used by many parents, “the one who should know better”.

In any case, feelings of disappointment, betrayal and animosity will be experienced more than several times in the average person’s lifespan. It’s how we cope with these so-called ‘short-comings’ that separate us from the serial killers and animals. We are all expected to grow from the trials and tribulations that come in many forms that life throws our way and we all have the tools to do so. Such coping mechanisms can be found in isle three; Chocolates and sweets, religion (Why me?) others at the local bar. Parents need to be educated of their bad habits they are bestowing upon their children which in turn can very well be passed down to the next generation and so on and so forth. Let’s eliminate sibling rivalry once and for all and become more knowledgeable together.

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Gorge

Gorge yourself, allow glutton to become your only companion.

Gorge yourself to your guilts contentment. -Or rather, your discontentment -

Because once you have eaten up everything you once loved…

… Only nothingness remains.

Let the darkness of the nothingness in and let it try to nourish your once full of life soul.

For once you have consumed love, only darkness concurs all.

 - Olivia E. Novello

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Welcome to Byron Bay…

We have FINALLY arrived in Byron Bay! Such an exciting experience, apart from being cheekily blamed by the locals for the rain yesterday which we (apparently) brought along with us! To wake this morning to sunshine and warmth was an entirely different experience! The warmth of the sun and the mild humidity was enough to drive any Melbournian into hysterics! I fell in love at first sight of walking onto the balcony, surrounded by palm tree’s, peering onto the horizon of sand and sea. I fell in love with the view and experience of what Byron Bay was and had to offer. My heart is full and for the first time my mind is clear!

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On the road again..

The girls and I made it to Sydney and found that one way streets and manic drivers would surely cause us anxiety…

And it did!

We found our friend two hours after wandering aimlessly in awe on Pitt Street. The lights, the shopping, the busy rush of bodies dodging us as we slowly walked. Finally making it to the hotel, like wolves, we scoffed down what was possibly the worst pasta I have even eaten! Having not been satisfied, we decided to walk to McDonalds to make up for our terribly, barely edible dinner… Our second dinner was much more satisfying!

Sleeping arrangements proved to be much more difficult than previously expected due to delirium and a few bottles of Sav Blanc… We crashed wherever we found room. It’s all part of the road trip experience, right?
We’re currently on the way to Coff’s Harbour in NSW.. Making excellent time in our Holden Barina who we lovingly named ‘Bruce’.

Stay tuned for more updates!

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